Has Been

Sometimes I imagine myself as a “has been.”  That person, who in ten years from now, everyone says “what happened to her? She had so much going for her.”

Sometimes I think the reason I work so hard is because that’s my biggest fear.

I want to be successful in my career.  I want to be a good mom.  I want to have it all (as much as I can, I guess).  But, maybe that’s not what’s in store for me.

It’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other when you keep going nowhere.  I’m sure I’m walking the wrong way on moving sidewalk because I am just barely keeping up.  And, the moment that I stop moving, it carries be back in the direction I came.

How do I teach my kids that hard work pays off, when clearly, my hard work is not paying off.

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About crankygiraffe

I'm a woman... a wife, a mother, a daughter, a medical resident. I spend all my time doing the right thing... I can be cynical, grumpy, and emotional, but I keep it to myself most of the time. I need a place to let my insides out - anonymously. No judgement here!
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9 Responses to Has Been

  1. Jolie Michele says:

    You are a great mom. & soon you’ll be graduating and becoming the doctor you want to be so I think that’s a fabulous payoff. Keep your chin up, CG. It’ll all come together in due time.

  2. Aussa Lorens says:

    It often feels this way up to the moment when you realized you have arrived somewhere. Keep your chin up, it sounds to me like you’re making a world of progress.

  3. Kelly Grace says:

    The most powerful teaching tool we have as parents is example. Are you an example of diligence in your work and studies? It sounds like you are! Then don’t worry, you’re kids will learn that.
    As for ‘has been’, one day we will all be ‘has been’ and then a grave stone will have a few words to sum up our lives. I like to think now about what I hope my children will have inscribed there—and try to do that, try to BE that.
    Results was your other concern. Here’s an excellent piece on results, on the end above the process. It might help you re-focus and enjoy the process trusting that the results will take care of themselves.
    My wish for you, as the song says, “Peace & Joy come to you”

    View story at Medium.com

  4. Twindaddy says:

    What makes you think that you’re not going anywhere?

  5. Ned says:

    What your children will see is their mother who devotes her time to them as well as pursuing an admirable career putting time, effort and hardwork to build a good life I don’t see how they could fail to be motivated and inspired.

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